It is every mother’s responsibility to love herself and to model this self-love to her children.
It is the foundation of healthy living.
This is the responsibility that the collective feminine is currently struggling to meet.
They feel like this because it would mean putting ourselves first in a society that says it is selfish to make yourself priority 1.
I am here to help women disconnect from this untrue and unhealthy belief system that modern society is desperate for them to retain (because entire economies are built on this belief system).
It’s time to see the lies and falsehoods that the media you are consuming is showing you.
I am here to tell you – You ARE ALREADY enough and it is time to come home to yourself.
It is safe to come home to yourself!
It is essential that you do, for the sake of your children, their capacity to love themselves and our ability to change the world by reclaiming our power of choice.’
You don’t need to try and change the world or anyone else for that matter, it’s about you being the change you want to see in others and modeling to give the space for others to do so.
It’s time to look at your environment and to see what it is that you are allowing yourself to consume in all areas of your life, energy, images, words, from social media, people around you even the lifestyle that you live.
Are you ready to join the movement? Are you ready to be a rebel and stand up for yourself and say enough, I no longer conform to this way of living anymore? I choose love, I choose happiness, I choose ME!
It’s time to drop this mask that we have used to be something we are not and find the beauty in who we truly are!
Hello, beautiful ones, it’s Tammie Pike. And what I would like to share with you today is the journey of motherhood and how anxiety is part of today’s motherhood.
Being a mum, we have anxiety about being not good enough. We have anxiety about not raising our kids well enough. We have anxiety about what happens to work, what would happen to our kids you know we have this mindset that is really fine-tuned on fear, not being good enough, not worthy enough. All that kind of stuff. And this can lead to us everyday living in a world where we feel unloved, unworthy we feel so freaking fearful of everything. And we feel that we aren’t good enough in what we’re doing already.
So, what I want to share with you is that I experienced anxiety so much of my life and it wasn’t until I had my youngest daughter, Brookie. She was really unwell as a baby and I lived in fear every single day that I was going to lose her. I’d wake up a mess going, how is she, what is she doing, all that kind of stuff.
I was crying all the time but I hide this from everyone. And anyone who is suffering from some sort of an emotional or mental disorder knows how well to fake it. And this is a thing we have to start taking steps for ourselves to start finding ways out of this space, out of being in this really dark area of staying in a shadow side.
The thing is fear is a door and we have a choice to choose, sometimes it feels so overwhelming because the volume is tense so fired up that we can’t hear anything else. So, we’ve got to have tools. We have tools and tool kit and as soon as we start freaking out, “What is some of the things that can help you through this?”.
For me, my number one tip is to go outside, take your shoes off and ground yourself in. And imagine that you have roots coming at the bottom of your feet. And that going down into mother earth and allowing her energy to mingle with your own and being held by that energy. Now might sound weird to some of you but anyone who knows about grounding, and that it has been scientifically proven to actually work.
It will help calm you down it will help release good endorphins within your body. And it’ll help you calm your nervous system because as soon as we’re in that anxiety mode, what happens is it drains all stuff reaping right up and we are not functioning correctly whatsoever. And it’s like we’re in that flight mode, if we’re gonna be chased or heard was something like that that’s the same kind of feeling we’d get when we’re experiencing anxiety.
So, what I invite you to do is to have this in your toolkit. Write it up somewhere or write it everywhere or even put it on your phone as an alarm. For every ten, twenty, thirty minutes, every hour. Go outside and grind because this will help relax you. It will help calm your body and nervous system down.
The second thing that I used to use a lot was essential oils. Aromatherapy is amazing. So, lemon oil, go and research the benefits of lemon oil. Actually, is the only smell that calms and can actually create a chemical reaction within your brain, to release those really you know feel-good emotions. I used to sit down to put a couple of drops on a tissue put it in my hand, cup it. And do like a slow breathing meditation and it really calms me down and helps me find more positivity within myself, and in my circumstances in the environment.
The third thing is that you can start looking into heart coherence. It is a beautiful meditation to help you get into your heart, rather than being focused on your thoughts. There are so many tools but whatever grabs your attention now within this video I invite you to go and explore that because this is what your body is calling for you to find out and find more back.
So, this is also a doing your gratitude when we in the space of anxiety, anger, depression all that kind of stuff we can’t see the positivity in our life, but what we do if we actually take a moment to check in and to truly see what we can be grateful for. Is it a roof of your head? Is it you’re bed? Is it you know that your body can move and help you explore this world. You know what is it? That you’re breathing do you have health, do you have a family? Think about as many many things that you can because this will help recalibrate your mindset and help dim down those negative thoughts.
So, these are just some of the tools I can help you and have helped me with my anxiety so I’m sending you all so much love and there’s one more tip that I have to share. And that is for you to go and find someone you can speak to. If you experiencing anxiety do not go through this alone.
I went through alone most of my life and especially when I was having panic attacks and a lot kind of things. I was experiencing this by myself because I could not think that I was lessened, I would not let anyone see underneath the covers of how badly I was truly. Truly not coping with how useless I felt, how worthless I felt because I couldn’t be the mom, the wife to everything, to everyone I thought I was.
So as soon we let down these guts we stop this high expectation and anxiety starts to lessen. As a mum, it’s not your world to be everything for everyone. You do not need to be a supermum. You need to make sure that you were looking after yourself and doing what you need.
So, I’m sending all so much love and wish I could wrap you all up in a big hug and know that you know it is a way for you to learn more about yourself. If you start practicing and cultivating self-love, which means choosing yourself every single day, which means doing something good for yourself every single day. You will see, your last starting out to improve. You start seeking that feeling more and more more. So, I sending you so much love and know you can do this beautiful and you are not alone in this.
As women facing the challenges of day-to-day life, being stressed has become our normal. We work, try to take care of ourselves, take care of our family whilst growing our businesses, and when we turn to social media, all we see are individuals living picture-esque lives and compare our lives to theirs feeling inadequate.
If you have experienced this, here are ten strategies you can implement to develop a relaxed lifestyle.
1. Drop the Guilt
Ladies, the first step towards a happier life is dropping the guilt. You aren’t perfect – no one is – and you don’t need to apologise. When you realise this life becomes much more beautiful and a lot less stressed as we start letting go of unrealistic expectations.
2. Balancing Work and Play
As women, we tend to become workaholics and let our work splash over into our personal lives. When we do this, relaxation becomes an impossibility. We recommend letting work stay at the office, and home life remain at the house. What boundaries can you implement? Do you turn off your phone at a certain time? Do you need to write a list before you finish for the day so you know where to start the following day? What will help you feel less stressed when you finish work?
3. Avoid Buildup
Do you let things build up throughout the week, only to take care of those issues on Sunday night? Millions of women around the globe fall into this pattern and create unneeded anxiety in their lives. Here is a list of recommendations we have to create a relaxed lifestyle:
- Clean as you go – Sounds Simple, if you follow this rule you will have less overwhelm and less to clean at the end of the week.
- Do the top 3 things that need to be done straight away each day this stops procrastination and have a feeling of achievement
- Outsource the things that you don’t like doing or aren’t your jam.
4. Devote Time to Things That Matter
Women, being the natural healers they are, tend to tackle multiple challenges at once. If you want to reduce your stress and anxiety, double-down your efforts on the areas that truly matter and disregard the rest. Although this may feel unnatural, it will help immensely!
5. Compassion Heals All
Being caring and loving when people make mistakes is something to behold. As women, our ability to love and nurture is unfathomable and awe-inspiring. Let that natural ability shine, and leave criticism and judgement at bay.
When we’re trying to develop a habit – getting in shape, learning a new skill, etc. – we tend to overwhelm ourselves. While these are worthy goals, devoting 15-minutes per day, every day, is better than 5 hours once a month. Be the tortoise, not the hare!
It is time to get rid of the clutter? Why not have a spring clean and take time out to get rid of items that you haven’t used in the last year. You can even minimalise your friend’s list, commitments and obligations that are taking up your time but are not fulfilling.
8. Do Things You Love
Do you have a hobby or interest that you can’t stop thinking about? You could be in the middle of an Excel spreadsheet, but your mind is elsewhere. If you have this burning desire in your heart, devote your free time to it.
9. Love Your Body
Although this sounds easier said than done, it’s essential. Loving your body is the first step towards a carefree and relaxed lifestyle. Who cares if you have cellulite or stretch marks? Millions of women also have those issues. Think about how blessed you are to have a body that allows you to walk on the earth, hands that allow you to create, arms that allow you to hug your loved ones (you get the gist). Remember we only have one body, so why not love it!
10. Ask for Help
As strong and bold women, we know how powerful and effective we can be. But there comes a time where we need to seek counsel from others for support. Knowing when to ask for a helping hand, and being brave enough to accept assistance, is imperative.
When you become a mother your whole world changes, your body is different, you have a baby who you care for 24/7 who feeds, sleeps & probably even sometimes poops or vomits on you.
It’s like you have grown an attachment that even so small consumes your every waking moment & even when you are sleeping, do we actually even sleep properly when we have a newborn. I know I would wake at the slightest noise every single time.
Your daily chores that used to be simple now become a mammoth task to complete as you are usually either disrupted 10times or have your little attachment in one arm.
As beautiful as becoming a mother is such as watching your baby feed, sleep & all the firsts it also is very draining on the mind, body & soul. It’s easy for mums to get run down, experience fatigue in the most extreme ways, self-doubt on if you are doing a good enough job, self-confidence can dip as your body isn’t like it used to be (it’s much more beautiful, though sometimes that can take a little bit of time to true know) and all that other things that can also come with motherhood such as anxiety, post natal depression & even guilt & shame if your birth didn’t happen how you were dreaming for it to be.
I honestly have felt and experienced all of the above. I have had 3 children. My first was an emergency c-section, 2 natural, 1 with an epidural (36hours long) & then a natural, drug-free 4 hour birth, though to be honest towards the end I was screaming like a mad woman for anything drug, epidural, anything. My midwife calmly looked at me & told me that I was doing great and could do it without any interference, I won’t tell you what my reply was, let’s just say I didn’t agree.
I experienced postnatal depression with my second child & rushed back to work as I couldn’t cope being at home with her and my son.
Then with my third who had health complications, I experienced extreme anxiety & mild panic attacks.
I know what it is to forget about who you are as a woman & caught up in trying to be the best mum, the best wife, lover, friend & the list goes on.
Though I wish to tell you something that not many will share with you.
You don’t gain anything other than feeling overwhelmed & empty when trying to be everything for everyone else. Most new mum’s don’t have a tribe to surround them and support them through the first 6 weeks which is the most intense time with healing, feeding, sleeping and so on
So when we try to ignore this need to hibernate, rest & recover and instead we clean our house so it is spotless, we make dinner for our husband & are always available for our friends we are doing a disservice to ourselves & our health.
We must let go of the need to please others and take care & prioritise our own needs so we can actually function without falling into a space where sometimes we can’t get out of it so easily.
Here are some of the ways to take care of you & fill up your cup regardless of how young or old your children are.
REST – Yes! This is the number one thing that is a must. When your baby rests, you rest. I didn’t understand the importance of this and instead, I would try and cram everything I ‘Should’ have been doing into my babies’ sleep times (when they would sleep).
Instead of criticising myself for not mopping the floor or doing the washing I should have just either slept or laid on the couch & rested.
One thing I highly recommend for new mums is that if people want to gift you something, ask for a voucher to a cleaning service and get them in once a week to help you feel good in your space. This takes a huge amount of stress off your shoulders.
Ask for help. We are such a proud society where we say we can do it ourselves. We can’t! We weren’t made too. Find your tribe or find someone you can trust who you can call on if you are struggling with just needing to get some sleep whilst someone holds your baby. Most people want to help and really love spending time with cute babies. Seriously I know I would totally be done for that. I love babies, I just don’t want any more of my own so I love holding other people’s babies.
Each morning take time just for yourself, even if that is 5mins but make it count!
What can you do in that time that will help you feel better & more grounded in yourself? Is it turning on your favourite song & dancing like nobody’s watching? Is it meditating? Having tea & writing in a journal? It’s asking yourself what you need & doing it.
When you are having a shower, actually practice giving love back to yourself by touching yourself & your body with love. It’s as simple as saying I love me, I love myself, I love my body, I love who I am, I love all of me whilst washing yourself. Give some of that love you give to everyone else back to yourself.
Doing something that makes you laugh. could it be having a conversation with your girlfriend? Watching a funny movie or video? Laughter is the best medicine and honestly when you are home by yourself with your baby sometimes we can get too serious or stuck in a routine to take time out to play.
Spend time outside on the earth every single day.
You want to feel good & heal quicker then go barefoot on the grass. Listen to the birds, watch the trees, let mother nature hold you, and nurture you. Create daily practices however long or short to remember that you matter and that you aren’t just a mother, you are a woman with needs & desires as well.
Be honest to those around you that you can trust or seek a tribe whether online or in-person where you can feel what you are experiencing whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I can’t express to you how important it is to your wellbeing to have a group of fellow women where you can be heard, held, supported & celebrated.
It can be the difference between struggling to stay afloat or walking through your day knowing that you aren’t alone and at any time you need someone to talk to you can. Knowing can be more powerful than anything else.
Be kind & compassionate towards yourself. Stop judging your body, your parenting, your actions & start loving the woman who brought a baby into this world. Who is waking up every day regardless of how tired you are and parenting the best way you can.
Have an open heart & mind. This for me is a non negotiable. To be able to live a fulfilling life is to not be caught up in trying to fit into a box or mould of what a mother & woman should be. Find those who support you in finding a way of doing life that feels good to you rather than trying to create a life that looks good to others.
Choose you. In this I mean find ways where you are listening to your needs & desires. Is someone asking something of you where you feel you just can’t or that you really don’t want to – Say No lovingly.
Say yes to yourself as well. When you are tired, sore go and get a massage. No guilt & no shame.
Practising self-love is not selfish.
Trying to make others happy is not selfless.
Practising self-love is selfless, not only does it help you feel good inside of yourself, you are able to show up in a more fulfilling way within all areas of your life. When you give to someone you are able to give more & in a more balanced way.
I like to say that practicing self-love is actually selfish. When we don’t take care of our needs we can get stressed, overwhelmed, angry, resentful, reactive and so on and then that is rippled out throughout your day such as your relationship & parenting.
Make your relationship a priority. Make time for you & your partner to spend connected time with each other. It might be 5mins where you have a tea together, or go outside in the sun and just chat. Giving & receiving love. Asking for support you might be needing and being honest on what you are struggling with.
My husband had no idea I was struggling half of the time, because I wouldn’t tell him in case I let him down. That was never the case, it was my own ego & need to show that I am worthy by being a good mother. I ended up being angry & resentful towards him that nearly broke our relationship all because I wouldn’t communicate honestly.
Men are not mind readers and most of the time they don’t look further then the surface, so if you say you are ok when you really aren’t they are going to take you at face value. So stop trying to be superwoman, be real, be honest & let your partner support you and let him step up into a more fulfilling & connected role as husband & father.
Never give up hope. When you are struggling please reach out. Don’t let yourself go through these amazing changes & sometimes challenges alone. Like I said women were never meant to do life alone so find your tribe so you can thrive, because when you think you can’t they know you can.
Sisterhood is not only butterflies & rainbows it is truth, it is real emotions, it is shadow & light. It takes a certain kind of woman to allow a true connection to happen to another woman.
It takes a woman who is willing to embrace all of herself, all of her shadow & light, so she can embrace all of another without judgement or expectations.
Sisterhood is a place for women to come together, to teach, support, nourish one another. It’s learning the balance of giving & receiving. Sisterhood is about love & trust in one another to be our true self.
I love creating connection with another woman. In my sisterhood I know that even through the dark times we can be there for one another, even if we disagree, get triggered or react to one another, because I have learned compassion and kindness for myself and so it is only natural for me to do the same for another.
Sometimes I feel the way that I share & hold space is not as gentle as others though it is earthy, raw & real and so full of love. It is who I am and I embrace that.
I love my sisters and what sisterhood has meant for me & given to me. I have so much gratitude that I know longer walk alone on this journey.
Do you have women in your life that support & nurture you as you do them? Share this with them to let them know how much they mean to you.
So much love,