Self Love For Beginners

Self Love For Beginners

Self-love is more than bubble baths & pedicures, it goes beyond the surface or the physical and goes to where your soul is, to where your essence is connected to this world through your heart.

Here are some ways you can grow your self-love:

  1. Talking your truth lovingly
  2. Expressing your emotions lovingly, even if it is uncomfortable or creates a reaction in someone else (someone’s reaction is not your responsibility)
  3. Giving your body the nurturing rest, exercise & comfort it needs
  4. Wearing clothes that make you feel good.
  5. Making choices that improve your quality of life, 
  6. Using your intuition to listen to what foods make your body feel good
  7. Getting/better quality sleep.
  8. Creating experiences where you feel good doing something for yourself by yourself such as walking, meditating, yoga, dancing,
  9. Touch yourself with reverence and love
  10. Be your own best friend
  11. Become aware of your thoughts and start replacing a negative thought with a positive one
  12. Spending quality, connected & intentional time with yourself
  13. Choosing the environment that you surround yourself with
  14. Taking responsibility for your current issues
  15. Being empowered with one’s life, health, career….
  16. Follow your gut/intuition 
  17. Allow yourself to dream big!! 
  18. Don’t let yourself be limited to what others say you are.
  19. Letting yourself make mistakes 
  20. Is not needing permission or approval from others to be yourself 
  21. Loving and accepting yourself even when we think that we have failed
  22. Self-love is finding that side of the self which has been shut down and allowing it to roam free and shed light into our life.
  23. Bringing sacredness into your every day
  24. Have reverence for the woman you are and the life you have be given
  25. Honouring our needs & desires
  26. Feel your feelings
  27. Hold space for yourself to explore, expand & grow
  28. Be kind & compassion to yourself in all situations
  29. Listen to your soul’s whispers/intuition
21 Ways I Practice Self Love

21 Ways I Practice Self Love

Many in today’s society feel that self-love is egotistical & selfish. I am here to share that it is quite the opposite.

True Self-Love is Self-less, why?

Because when we choose to love all of who we are, our good and so called bad side, our strengths and our weaknesses we are then able to let go of judgements, we open up our head & heart & allow deeper more loving connections to develop in all areas of our lives.

So how do you do something that you don’t know what it really is? Below I have listed some of the ways that describe what self-love is.

 

21 ways self-love shows up in my life, which is:

  1.  Honouring my needs, health & wellness & making it a priority.
  2. The ability to be able to give myself what I need freely without guilt or shame.
  3. An everyday thing that is found in my actions, reactions, thoughts, feelings rituals & habits. 
  4. Found in every part of being a healthy, happy & joyful human. 
  5. Treating myself like my own best friend, or the most beloved person in my life.
  6. Resting when I need to rest
  7. Saying yes to things that feel good to me and no to things that don’t serve me
  8. Creating clear balanced boundaries that sustain me
  9. Waking up with gratitude in my heart
  10. Allowing my joy to guide me through my day. 
  11. Giving myself permission to be who I truly am in any situation, place, relationship etc. 
  12. When I allow myself to speak up in what I believe in even if no one around me understands or supports me. 
  13. Found in how I talk to myself, it’s where I let my thoughts take me, 
  14. How I choose to react or act. 
  15. How I find time for myself throughout my day,
  16. Making sure I am doing everything I can, to be the most I can be in mind, body & soul and let it be as joyful as possible knowing to my core that I am not a chore, my life is not a chore it is a blessing that I get to be who I am and live the life I do just like everyone else. 
  17. Bringing sacredness into as much as my day as possible, life is sacred, I am sacred just as you are too. 
  18. Being brave enough to listen to my intuition and not second guessing myself
  19. As simple as focusing on my breath when I am stressed or experiencing emotional turmoil and coming back to the present moment.
  20.  As complex as working through my many layers/limiting beliefs/fears and being loving, kind & compassionate as I do.
  21. Different to everyone & the coolest thing is that you/me/we get to redefine it. No one wrong or right, it is perfectly perfect for each of us.

I truly believe that if I commit to cultivating self-love every single day, that I am able to show up more, give more & do more in a sustainable & high vibrational way because I have filled my cup up, I am confident, brave, courageous & most importantly, I feel loved because I love who I am and therefore I allow more love in from those around me. I seek more connected & authentic relationships & allow myself to be supported rather than doing everything alone.

By practicing self-love I have become much more open minded & hearted. I am less judgmental towards myself & others, I no longer let people mis-treat me as I know that I am worthy of being treated with respect & deserve love.

By choosing to cultivate self-love in my life, I choose to heal, I choose to let my heart feel & expand so that in turn I hold space to do the same creating a ripple effect throughout the world.

Self-Love is endless as am I, as are you.

Read the 29 some ways you can grow your self-love here.

10 Ways to be a more relaxed woman

10 Ways to be a more relaxed woman

As women facing the challenges of day-to-day life, being stressed has become our normal. We work, try to take care of ourselves, take care of our family whilst growing our businesses, and when we turn to social media, all we see are individuals living picture-esque lives and compare our lives to theirs feeling inadequate.

If you have experienced this, here are ten strategies you can implement to develop a relaxed lifestyle.

1. Drop the Guilt

Ladies, the first step towards a happier life is dropping the guilt. You aren’t perfect – no one is – and you don’t need to apologise. When you realise this life becomes much more beautiful and a lot less stressed as we start letting go of unrealistic expectations.

2. Balancing Work and Play

As women, we tend to become workaholics and let our work splash over into our personal lives. When we do this, relaxation becomes an impossibility. We recommend letting work stay at the office, and home life remain at the house. What boundaries can you implement? Do you turn off your phone at a certain time? Do you need to write a list before you finish for the day so you know where to start the following day? What will help you feel less stressed when you finish work?

3. Avoid Buildup

Do you let things build up throughout the week, only to take care of those issues on Sunday night? Millions of women around the globe fall into this pattern and create unneeded anxiety in their lives. Here is a list of recommendations we have to create a relaxed lifestyle:

  • Clean as you go – Sounds Simple, if you follow this rule you will have less overwhelm and less to clean at the end of the week.
  • Do the top 3 things that need to be done straight away each day this stops procrastination and have a feeling of achievement
  • Outsource the things that you don’t like doing or aren’t your jam.

4. Devote Time to Things That Matter

Women, being the natural healers they are, tend to tackle multiple challenges at once. If you want to reduce your stress and anxiety, double-down your efforts on the areas that truly matter and disregard the rest. Although this may feel unnatural, it will help immensely!

5. Compassion Heals All

Being caring and loving when people make mistakes is something to behold. As women, our ability to love and nurture is unfathomable and awe-inspiring. Let that natural ability shine, and leave criticism and judgement at bay.

6. Consistency

When we’re trying to develop a habit – getting in shape, learning a new skill, etc. – we tend to overwhelm ourselves. While these are worthy goals, devoting 15-minutes per day, every day, is better than 5 hours once a month. Be the tortoise, not the hare!

7. Minimalism

It is time to get rid of the clutter? Why not have a spring clean and take time out to get rid of items that you haven’t used in the last year. You can even minimalise your friend’s list, commitments and obligations that are taking up your time but are not fulfilling.

8. Do Things You Love

Do you have a hobby or interest that you can’t stop thinking about? You could be in the middle of an Excel spreadsheet, but your mind is elsewhere. If you have this burning desire in your heart, devote your free time to it.

9. Love Your Body

Although this sounds easier said than done, it’s essential. Loving your body is the first step towards a carefree and relaxed lifestyle. Who cares if you have cellulite or stretch marks? Millions of women also have those issues. Think about how blessed you are to have a body that allows you to walk on the earth, hands that allow you to create, arms that allow you to hug your loved ones (you get the gist). Remember we only have one body, so why not love it!

10. Ask for Help

As strong and bold women, we know how powerful and effective we can be. But there comes a time where we need to seek counsel from others for support. Knowing when to ask for a helping hand, and being brave enough to accept assistance, is imperative.

When you become a mother your whole world changes

When you become a mother your whole world changes

When you become a mother your whole world changes, your body is different, you have a baby who you care for 24/7 who feeds, sleeps & probably even sometimes poops or vomits on you.

It’s like you have grown an attachment that even so small consumes your every waking moment & even when you are sleeping, do we actually even sleep properly when we have a newborn. I know I would wake at the slightest noise every single time.

Your daily chores that used to be simple now become a mammoth task to complete as you are usually either disrupted 10times or have your little attachment in one arm.

As beautiful as becoming a mother is such as watching your baby feed, sleep & all the firsts it also is very draining on the mind, body & soul. It’s easy for mums to get run down, experience fatigue in the most extreme ways, self-doubt on if you are doing a good enough job, self-confidence can dip as your body isn’t like it used to be (it’s much more beautiful, though sometimes that can take a little bit of time to true know) and all that other things that can also come with motherhood such as anxiety, post natal depression & even guilt & shame if your birth didn’t happen how you were dreaming for it to be.

I honestly have felt and experienced all of the above. I have had 3 children. My first was an emergency c-section, 2 natural, 1 with an epidural (36hours long) & then a natural, drug-free 4 hour birth, though to be honest towards the end I was screaming like a mad woman for anything drug, epidural, anything. My midwife calmly looked at me & told me that I was doing great and could do it without any interference, I won’t tell you what my reply was, let’s just say I didn’t agree.

I experienced postnatal depression with my second child & rushed back to work as I couldn’t cope being at home with her and my son.
Then with my third who had health complications, I experienced extreme anxiety & mild panic attacks.
I know what it is to forget about who you are as a woman & caught up in trying to be the best mum, the best wife, lover, friend & the list goes on.

Though I wish to tell you something that not many will share with you.

You don’t gain anything other than feeling overwhelmed & empty when trying to be everything for everyone else. Most new mum’s don’t have a tribe to surround them and support them through the first 6 weeks which is the most intense time with healing, feeding, sleeping and so on

So when we try to ignore this need to hibernate, rest & recover and instead we clean our house so it is spotless, we make dinner for our husband & are always available for our friends we are doing a disservice to ourselves & our health.

We must let go of the need to please others and take care & prioritise our own needs so we can actually function without falling into a space where sometimes we can’t get out of it so easily.

Here are some of the ways to take care of you & fill up your cup regardless of how young or old your children are.

REST – Yes! This is the number one thing that is a must. When your baby rests, you rest. I didn’t understand the importance of this and instead, I would try and cram everything I ‘Should’ have been doing into my babies’ sleep times (when they would sleep).
Instead of criticising myself for not mopping the floor or doing the washing I should have just either slept or laid on the couch & rested.

One thing I highly recommend for new mums is that if people want to gift you something, ask for a voucher to a cleaning service and get them in once a week to help you feel good in your space. This takes a huge amount of stress off your shoulders.

Ask for help. We are such a proud society where we say we can do it ourselves. We can’t! We weren’t made too. Find your tribe or find someone you can trust who you can call on if you are struggling with just needing to get some sleep whilst someone holds your baby. Most people want to help and really love spending time with cute babies. Seriously I know I would totally be done for that. I love babies, I just don’t want any more of my own so I love holding other people’s babies.

Each morning take time just for yourself, even if that is 5mins but make it count!

What can you do in that time that will help you feel better & more grounded in yourself? Is it turning on your favourite song & dancing like nobody’s watching? Is it meditating? Having tea & writing in a journal? It’s asking yourself what you need & doing it.

When you are having a shower, actually practice giving love back to yourself by touching yourself & your body with love. It’s as simple as saying I love me, I love myself, I love my body, I love who I am, I love all of me whilst washing yourself. Give some of that love you give to everyone else back to yourself.

Doing something that makes you laugh. could it be having a conversation with your girlfriend? Watching a funny movie or video? Laughter is the best medicine and honestly when you are home by yourself with your baby sometimes we can get too serious or stuck in a routine to take time out to play.

Spend time outside on the earth every single day.

You want to feel good & heal quicker then go barefoot on the grass. Listen to the birds, watch the trees, let mother nature hold you, and nurture you. Create daily practices however long or short to remember that you matter and that you aren’t just a mother, you are a woman with needs & desires as well.

Be honest to those around you that you can trust or seek a tribe whether online or in-person where you can feel what you are experiencing whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I can’t express to you how important it is to your wellbeing to have a group of fellow women where you can be heard, held, supported & celebrated.

It can be the difference between struggling to stay afloat or walking through your day knowing that you aren’t alone and at any time you need someone to talk to you can. Knowing can be more powerful than anything else.

Be kind & compassionate towards yourself. Stop judging your body, your parenting, your actions & start loving the woman who brought a baby into this world. Who is waking up every day regardless of how tired you are and parenting the best way you can.

Have an open heart & mind. This for me is a non negotiable. To be able to live a fulfilling life is to not be caught up in trying to fit into a box or mould of what a mother & woman should be. Find those who support you in finding a way of doing life that feels good to you rather than trying to create a life that looks good to others.

Choose you. In this I mean find ways where you are listening to your needs & desires. Is someone asking something of you where you feel you just can’t or that you really don’t want to – Say No lovingly.

Say yes to yourself as well. When you are tired, sore go and get a massage. No guilt & no shame.

Practising self-love is not selfish.

Trying to make others happy is not selfless.

Practising self-love is selfless, not only does it help you feel good inside of yourself, you are able to show up in a more fulfilling way within all areas of your life. When you give to someone you are able to give more & in a more balanced way.

I like to say that practicing self-love is actually selfish. When we don’t take care of our needs we can get stressed, overwhelmed, angry, resentful, reactive and so on and then that is rippled out throughout your day such as your relationship & parenting.

Make your relationship a priority. Make time for you & your partner to spend connected time with each other. It might be 5mins where you have a tea together, or go outside in the sun and just chat. Giving & receiving love. Asking for support you might be needing and being honest on what you are struggling with.

My husband had no idea I was struggling half of the time, because I wouldn’t tell him in case I let him down. That was never the case, it was my own ego & need to show that I am worthy by being a good mother. I ended up being angry & resentful towards him that nearly broke our relationship all because I wouldn’t communicate honestly.

Men are not mind readers and most of the time they don’t look further then the surface, so if you say you are ok when you really aren’t they are going to take you at face value. So stop trying to be superwoman, be real, be honest & let your partner support you and let him step up into a more fulfilling & connected role as husband & father.

Never give up hope. When you are struggling please reach out. Don’t let yourself go through these amazing changes & sometimes challenges alone. Like I said women were never meant to do life alone so find your tribe so you can thrive, because when you think you can’t they know you can.